break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
