He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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