i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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