I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
