She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
