i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
