happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
