you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize