he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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