I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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