Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
