I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
