Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
