dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
