Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
