Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
