I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so let's talk penis.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
