This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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