I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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