She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
