you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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