and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Found the puke drawer
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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