You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
there is puke in my bra ... again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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