My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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