just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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