We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
