ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
