my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
