Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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