I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
