Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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