jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
