she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
