Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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