she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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