i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
