fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
