Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
