the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize