yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
