I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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