How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
