READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
