I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
