My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
