Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
