I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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