Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
