margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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