I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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