tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my shit smells like andre
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
