i would punch a child for taco bell
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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