Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
