Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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