my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
