Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
