I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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