So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
