foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
