walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
