He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I want to fling myself into the sun
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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