I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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