we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
