yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
