You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
