There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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