I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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