hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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