he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
