my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
