He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
