Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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