i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
