I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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