ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
