Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
